Why do people judge me instead of listening to me?
In order for someone to listen to you, they don't have to understand you, meet you, or even truly hear what you're saying. They just have to believe you.
If someone doesn't believe you, even a little bit, they start to question. Questions leave room for opinions - and where there are opinions, there is a tendency to look for things that are 'wrong'. Every little thing that could signal a discrepancy, problem, or issue.
And now judgement can walk through the door, leaving less space for positive behaviors like listening, curiosity, and exploration.
Not only is someone not listening, they're scanning for things that might not be accurate or correct. They're assessing and judging what you're saying, which leads to judging you.
So how do you break this chain of events, and help people listen to you?
Command other's attention. Creating eye contact, engaging body positioning, and non-verbal cues aren't enough. Set boundaries and manage expectations, because being vocal about what you want and require is healthy. And of course maintain those boundaries - you're important.
Always be confident. Not only in what you're saying, but about what you don't know. It makes us all relatable. We don't have all the answers and never will. When you don't know it name it - then dig for info and knowledge, and share what you learn. Use these moments as an opportunity to bring others into conversation, because if they are speaking you get to listen (and they won't have an opportunity to engage in a negative way). Besides, we're human - we won't ever be a walking generative AI app with on demand info and endless content.
Bring what you want to get back: be willing to listen. Give authority to others and make space for them to contribute to a conversation or point. Celebrate those that are curious, validating, positive, engaged, or supportive. A little recognition goes a long way. If you're curious about what this might look like in your own life, you're welcome to explore coaching options.
Be yourself. Authentic is always a green flag.
Remember, not everyone is going to listen to you, just like everyone isn't going to like you. Struggling with how you show up and respond to others is part of life, but shouldn't be something you are constantly feeling. Own that. Put in time with those that are willing to participate, be present, and explore with you. Invest in those people - people who are willing to give and receive in your dynamic. There's some truth to you are who your choose, so make sure to recognize who is choosing you.
It's a privilege to be given the chance to listen - be sure to do so without judgement. When you're ready to take this further, you can book a free consultation and begin exploring what meaningful change could look like for you.
~ RJW
